Yeah... I'm still alive

When I came home this Christmas for the first time in 4 months I realised under wo much tension I lived in the first month of my stay. The new situation living in a new country under complete different crcumstances had gotten me way harder then I had wanted to admit to myself or maybe I just needed some time to realise that. The thing about this EVS is I have really high expectations to myself, I know that  I will only have this oppurtunity once in a lifetime and wish to fill this as good as  possible but then whenever I come home from work I just want to rest because I am so exhausted. to be fair I am quite an sloth and without atleast 9 hours of sleep I am really not good. But where do these expectations come from? I want to make my work as good as possible anf therefore try and not be too tired on weekdays, meaning not going out to excessive et cetera. And this is kind of a problem because the good things dont happen when u stay at home, the great people I met so far didn't come over for a visit. I remember in the beginning going out more often and caught myself that these days have gotten a bit more in my Cologne school rhytm. That is aswell caused by the fact that after now nearly half the year is over the work and the live has become more of a routine. It is good though that I came to this realisation now as I still have lots of time left for great things to happen. With expectations it is always really difficult they can of course be a basis for a good outcome but they aswell can hold you back and then you know that you have to high expectations to yourself. In the future I will try and free myself from these expectations and I am sure this will be a good thing.

As very soon it is going to be the half time of EVS. I want to take a short resume about what  I have learned so far about me but aswell about others. Lets maybe start with the most important thing my future job I now know that I definetely want to work with people, not as a social worker or such thing though, but more like on a meeting basis. Meaning to have a ob where u actually have to talk to people to get somthing going. Aswell I am pretty sure that it should be somehing with poltics, thought I don't want to be become a politician but want to work for a non government organisation in development assistance( the time will show if its really gonna be this topic though as I am only 19). My wanting to travel hasn't become less if not even gotten bigger and even if I will always love coming back to Cologne and walk its streets I know that I need to see more to simply not be bored. I learned about things that are just limits for myself. I learned about how important empathy is and that you can't expect that from everyone, and that maturity is to be able to say "Well, ok" if something is bothering you and not make a big thing out of everything, you don't need to accept everything though. My abbillity of doing handworks has increased and eventhough in the beginning I was a ittle doubtful concerning that I can manage just fine. Since I am doing more sport again I realised how important that is towards my calmness and happiness. Sport is something that always will be by my side. Oh yeah I realised how hard it is for me to actually find words to be able to write a good blog post, suprising as I always liked to write when I was younger.