If he is not there I am not here

I started to manage to find a traineeship place because of my ex-boyfriend who lives in Germany, but he’d spent a semester as an Erasmus student in Hungary. I wanted to see him again and I still hoped…in something…in January.

However, my hope was still there but during the process to get a teacher assistant place in a high-school I figured out that I don’t care about my past. I wanted to show myself I can achieve this opportunity and I won’t give up just because

                                        two schools said straightly no,

                                        one school coordinator said yes and then -  after I sent my application to the Erasmus assistant at my University and after I was totally in and I felt the victory -  he just disclaimed,

                                        and six other schools just simply never replied.

I learnt a lot about how tales work on some lessons at the University. The youngest brother (prince)/ sister (princess) has to fight, to overcome obstacles, to kill the dragon and to achieve his/her goals.

I felt myself like this. I knew somewhere in my bones, it is that hard because if I really want to go abroad I have to do it because of myself and not because of somebody else, and I knew there will be a great milestone which will totally change my life. I had the same feeling in 2013 when I fought for an opportunity to being an au pair which was as messy as this Erasmus case.

                                                                                                     ***

                                                                I came to Germany in the beginning of May 2015.

We met in June in front of the door of my room. Yes, exactly, there. I didn’t really have to go further.

He is one of my former flatmates’ friend - and here comes an important fact - me and my flatmates weren’t in a big and “let’s-hug-each-other-every-day” friendship. It is probably because of my German knowledge which didn’t really exist in that time.

Anyway, so one day my flatmate knocked on my door (my special person was behind him but I didn’t really see and realize him…) and asked me to join them to drink some beer (Germans…) and to go to a street festival. Firstly, I didn’t know what’s going on, I was 100% surprised because he came to me and invited me. Secondly, for sure I said yes, but I asked him to give some “girl-time” ^{(a footnote for the male readers: you know, guys, this means the make-up)}…

So, next time it was me who knocked on my flatmates’ door and voilá, this is how I met my person. There are situations when you meet somebody and from the very first time you feel there will be something more between you. Like I felt it then after I introduced myself. I didn’t know what’s going to happen, how is it going to happen, why is it going to happen, I just felt he will mean more to me. And from this point it could be a totally cheesy, romantic story, but as we all know how it works (and as I am not really the fan of these), I skip it.

So, well…yeah…after we revealed “we don’t want a relationship” we were definitely in it and WE ARE STILL in it.

                                                                                                     ***

I have the goal to start a new life in Bremen and after my two Erasmus periods (from May till July I did my internship here and from September till March 2016 I study at the University) I would like to move here. But, if my boyfriend is not there in the hard times I wouldn’t want to stay here at all… when you struggle against your “strangeness” every day… it makes you tired after a while.

I guess many of you know this situation when you move to a country and you don’t speak its language, but… come on, you are an “adventurer”, so it can not be a problem.

                                                                                                                                                                Well, yes, it can be!

You send your CV for the whole city  - or at least you feel it is the whole one after 100 and more “Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren” -  and you feel the next day is going to be your lucky day, you get a job and you are the king of the world. I won’t say it is just a dream that could not happen, but it would be a lie if I say it is that easy. No, it is not! You have to speak German if you want to work in Germany. Easy- peasy.

Okay then, you promise yourself that from next day you reeeeeaally start to learn “Ich komme aus Ungarn und ich bin eine Erasmusstudentin./Ja. Ja, aber… wie bitte?/ Können Sie es wiederholen?/ Ah, Schuldigung, ich verstehe nichts.”

… no language knowledge, no job, no money, no new life, but you are freaked out…at least…something, ha?!

And what is the easiest thing to do? Exactly! Complaining to your partner.

And what do you expect from him? Kind words which cheer you up.

And what does my special person usually do in these kinds of situations? Give an answer like “yeah, then go and learn German”. Thanks, man…you are the best supporter ever… However, he was right, and I knew he is, so, there was no other option, I had to go to the German courses and memorize everything. Echt. Toll. Wunderbar. Geil.

My person can answer me if I have questions about any kind of system and procedures in this country, but he can’t hold my hand and translate every time. And he doesn’t want to do it. He is like a mentor and a teacher who supports me, but doesn’t do anything instead of me. I have to be confident and independent, but with the fact that I have somebody who is next to me. This is the best way to learn and not only the language, but how to live abroad and how to don’t give up.

                                                                                                                                                        That’s why, I am motivated.