"I know better - actually I don't know better, I know best what's right for me"

Nina: Tell me something about you and your philosophy of life!

Nilly: The one thing I can tell you for sure is that there's nothing that I really know for sure. We can pretend to know and try to figure it out, but in the meanwhile we're just a bunch of kids running around trying to find out what to do with this life that is given to us.

There is no manual. There are a bunch of ideas and beliefs and systems that people choose as a path which blinds out everything else, for example this power that was given to us by being born, the power to create something. This is way, way bigger than any kind of religion and any kind of system. We're not our belief system. We're not even our body and we're not our gender and we're not our country - we're not any of this! We're just random creations that were manifested into this body to try to figure out what to do. And it's so overwhelming that to deal with it, people take a belief system, such as a nationality, such as a religion because it's a way to put a frame around everything.

A lot of people see the world through narrow eyes. It's what we've been educated. It's not a blaming thing and it's not a judgmental thing, it's what we're conditioned to.

For the majority of people, change is scary. This is what we're really most afraid of: the unknown. It's the most terrifying thing, isn't it? We like security, we like to know what's coming. So we know how to deal with it or how to protect ourselves. But we actually don't know. And for people to acknowledge that they don't know, is a big thing. Because then you have to let go. You have to let go and devote yourself to just be.. rather trying to control everything. Because you can't.

Nina: I think that's hard for people my age. Being 20 years old, everyone tells you: “You have to know what you want to do!You need to have job, to earn money, you need to do this and that.” Society puts pressure on you.

Nilly: Absolutely, it's a lot of pressure. I have a beautiful family that supports me, but I'm 37 and still a kid inside, who's investigating and just having fun with it and trying different things.

Some people around me have the idea, just like you said, that I should know what I'm doing and that I should find myself. But this is what I'm doing! I'm finding myself.

I'm just, I'm a lot of things. Why do I need to narrow myself down to something specific and settle for it for the rest of my life? People want stability, sometimes it's easier to live this way.

But I wanna be doing different things and I wanna live my life in different ways. And I wanna be able to change my mind if I want to! If I choose to go one way and I feel that I don't like it, I can say: “Ok! I put my energy into it and maybe I put my money into it, but right now I don't like it anymore and I wanna do something else” – and it's so ok to do this!

I mean, the majority of people narrow themselves down into doing something that they don't even like. Come on! This is not a rehearsal!

I know that it's hard to turn your back and say: “I know better – actually it's not that I know better, I know best what's right for me. And I'm the only one that knows. Because none of you is Nina, none of you is Nina.” Once you take ownership on that, you become peaceful inside. And when you're peaceful inside, then the rest of the people are peaceful about you. They're not trying to harm you in any way, they try to lead you in what they think is the right direction. They have the best intentions, but they really don't actually know. They can't. And maybe you don't know as well. But the only person that can possibly know, is you.