Chance, Challange, Change

The person who impressed me the most during my Erasmus semester I met first when I decided to apply for spending one semester abroad. I had a big chance to get the support (and I really expected to get it), so I started to prepare myself for the journey.

Actually, it was not a big thing: I had already spent few weeks before in the same city (and fallen love with it) where I was planning to go, so it wasn’t a totally unknown destination. Moreover, my main subject at the university was Estonian Philology and since I had started the university I had always been dreaming of spending longer time in Estonia and practice my Estonian in real every day life. (On the other hand, in case of any ’emergency’ I always had the possibility to use English -  which I spoke better that time than Estonian - as it is a country where English is commonly used. I also knew that the Erasmus project ensures a safety environment  in every sense. And I was able to take care of myself – cooking, washing etc).

Well, I can say that I was supposed not to afraid at all of this adventure. And every time I was asked by the acquaintances if I was afraid of it, I said ’no’ and started to list the above mentioned reasons…

Actually, I did not tell them the truth. I was afraid. For my closer friends I admitted that I worried about my mother. (As I do not have any brother or sister and she has been living  alone I really felt unfair and risky to leave her alone, however the oldest she get the youngest she felt and  she encouraged me the most to go away. It was not very nice from me to use her as an excuse.) To tell you the truth, I worried about myself – and ’leaving’ alone myself… And that was the point when my special Erasmus person came and made me think about that fear deeply saying: ’Leaving behind your comfortable and safe environment is the biggest challange as well as the biggest chance you can ever have to open yourself and be as friendly as you have always wanted to be. Are you ready to take the responsibility to be less shy and try to improve your personality?’

So, that happened that I said good bye to my family and friends, left Budapest and started my Erasmus semester in Tallinn. I kept her encouraging words in my mind when the first time in my life I was brave enough to manage some frightening buroctratic cases alone, to go out without any friends and have fun by myself in a concert, to call unknown people and to talk to them in Estonian or English by phone, to ask for an interview local politicians and artists, to take the responsibility to go regulary to ’work’ (2-3 days per week I volunteered for a cultural institution), and to take care the ’child’ (ok, actually a cat) of my friend for a couple of days, to broke up with my boyfriend and be single instead of live in a less satisfying relationship…

Well, sometimes we had conflicts also. E. g. she  forced me to talk about my Erasmus experience for local youngsters. A lot of them. On the stage. Using microphone. As I have never been a great performer (I can say that I feel more than unconfortable in such a situation), it was a great surprise for me when the first time in my life I found myself on the stage as a self-confident – but still a bit frightened – girl, speaking about herself. And the most important thing is that during my Erasmus semester, the first time in my life I was really proud of myself – because of doing all these things.

Without her I couldn’t have done these things. I’m happy that we get so close to each other  and we get friends. Starting from the moment I decided to apply to an Erasmus semester she has been holding my hand and inspiring me not to be shy and to try new things day by day. And I am very grateful to her - to my inner, other brave part. And I think I could also show her something: that she can make really big changes.