"Just smile"

Here I stand, in front of myself. Every day I see the same. Failing to figure out who I am: "Who am I ?"  A question you can not answer for me. You answer with a depiction of my shell. Every and every day the same. One day after a few weeks you start talking.

"Look at you! Trying to look like a Greek sculpture while lacking self-confidence. Trying to be strong when your core is fragile. And brave while being scared.  Why are you here? Did you really want this? What did you expect to find here?"

I leave my reflection and start thinking. Overthinking my decisions, feelings, paths I took. All of a sudden it felt like my diary entry of my perfect year abroad would never turn out to be reality. I had maneuvered myself into a corner I could not escape alone.

With the on- arrival training the person I needed to start walking in the right direction again appeared. The right direction, that depends on the point of view. It can mean taking a step back and sometimes it can mean staying stubborn and break through a wall you have created yourself.

I stand in front of myself again. I ask the same question just different." Am I really who I want to be?" This time it is not me who answers. It is her.

"There is a connection between us. I can feel it. You are a beautiful person and I am proud of who you are!"

All of a sudden it all makes sense. I can’t help it, I just smile. When I see her I can’t overthink I can only do one thing which is smile. She showed me, that I am meaningful and I believed her.

I couldn’t and still can’t look at her without smiling. It just feels right. It changed my life. After all this time, all those lost fights. I finally can say I won a battle. A battle against myself. Against the other side of the mirror. Now it feels right.

You don’t have to be perfect. No one is. You are who you are, whatever that might be. You are yourself and that is the way it should be. You might not be perfect but you are perfect for someone.

For me it was not my journey to another country or the new language, which influenced me the most in this 6 months. It was her. I realized how you can spread love, be proud about yourself, how to think of solutions rather than thinking about problems. It was about love, shared memories and great nights.

Now I move on, literally I will move on to a new city, I will leave my mirror behind another time and look forward to the bright side of life. I have 6 months left and I will enjoy them!