Week 2-7 (Sorry for the non-poetic title :D)

Comment: Though soo many things happened in these 6 weeks, I dismissed to write everything down. This is just a tiny fraction of/a superficial look at my thoughts and actions in these weeks. I'd also like to add that know in that very moment I'm not here for 7 weeks, but for 2 and a half months. Two weeks ago, Vincenzo quit the project, and one week later, Sergio did the same. Since then, we welcomed our new italian flatmate Claudia. Maybe there will be an entry about my last weeks. Sorry for being always too late, but I guess I'm infected with hungarian effectivity.
 

Knowing my flatmates much better than in the first week, I feel like it’s the right time to introduce them to you.

So first, there is Vincenzo. He is a 21-year old Neapolitan guy, with whom I spend most of the time during the program. He is just like any stereotype of Italians. He likes to talk with his hands, loves to cook, to eat, to kiss, to hug and to touch people. He is extroverted, open, self-confident, passionate and - what I like the best - shameless. He also makes the best coffee as well as the best pizza (sorry dad) that I’ve tried in my whole life. Well, and his big passion is music. Playing in a Hungarian band called “Néhai Bárány” (you can find them on spotify) as a base-guitarist, he spends some weekends in Budapest, recording and playing music. I really like him, and I have the feeling that he influences me in a good, less German and freer way. Though he makes jokes about me and my slowness, I’m thankful that I had the chance to meet and to know him.

Second, there is Sergio, a 27-year old Spanish guy, with whom I have the pleasure to ride bike to the office or other places and to do sports. He is from the North of Spain, a city in Andalusia called Gijon. Sergio is really funny, sporty (he does sports every day, and when he doesn’t, he doubles his time doing sports the next day), critical, fair, loving, caring and interested in politics as well as human(ity) issues. He studied primary school and physical education and also wants to work as some kind of coach in future in Budapest. I like to talk with him about worldwide problems, politics and personal issues. I start to understand and appreciate his way to see things.

And then, there is Marina, my Russian, 24-year old flatmate. Before coming here, she studied sociology and did sports. In the organisation we call her (she does the same, so no offence!) personal pharmacy, because no matter where she goes, she always has the right medicine with her. So if anybody doesn’t feel good, this person just has to ask Marina. I noticed that she has a childish as well as an adult side. On one hand, she’s very well-ordered, determined, reputable and direct, but on the other hand, she’s so kind, caring and communicative. With her in my surrounding, I feel more forced to do the dishes, to clean up, to take my clothes out of the washing machine (and so on), because she always reminds me to do so, sometimes more, sometimes less strict. In that way, I learned to be more disciplined.

Being a teacher...

Now, I write about my main task: Teaching German in an academic high school in Debrecen called “Meggyesi Gimnázium”. I teach pupils from the 9th until the 12th grade. I have 15 lessons per week. Normally, I’m the only one who is teaching (except when the teachers have to give marks) while the teacher is sitting on one of the back-seats.

Before I began to teach, my teacher who had created my schedule told me not to let my students know that I can speak Hungarian. In that way, they imagine being forced to speak German.
First, I felt uncomfortable with this idea. Though, I tried it, because I had never done such a thing before, so maybe it would be an interesting experience. I know that this is not lie being morally wrong, because the aim behind it is indicated out of a good reason. Though, I have the feeling that there is always some kind of distance between me and the students. First, it’s because I have to lie to them, and the second reason is the “language barrier”.  
Though, once I stated it, I want to continue. Though, it’s really hard not to react to the things another person says, especially when these things are funny. My students are sometimes so hilarious . Besides, when there are 20 people in a room speaking the same certain language I’m familiar with, I also start to think and to speak automatically in this way.
Believing that I don’t understand any word the students say, they tell me in a direct way if they like my lessons or me. In this way, people let you know their opinion about you, about your behaviour and –especially when you’re with pubertal teenagers- about your looks. But don’t worry; I don’t take these things personally.

It’s also harder to help them pretending that I don’t speak their language - especially when it comes to the grammar. Though using English helps me out sometimes, the other half of the classes I’m teaching haven’t had any English lesson so far. That’s why my classes are less about grammar, but more about conversation and vocabulary work.

With the teachers there are some communication problems - even after one month - so that I’m not able to prepare all of my lessons in the way that I wished. They are sometimes in a hurry or busy, that’s why I have to ask them on E-mail what to prepare for my lessons. Many of them don’t write me back, or just too late. And it’s quite frustrating to stand in front of the class without any preparation, without any idea what to teach them or what they need to improve.  It’s indeed possible to improvise, though, not on every lesson. Especially when someone didn’t learn how to be a teacher, like me.
Now, the situation improved. It’s a good feeling that they are supporting me by giving me positive feedback, asking me how I am and accepting my limits. One of my teachers even invited me to lunch in a restaurant.

On the very beginning it was a big challenge for me, cause in school I hated to stand in front of people even for 10 minutes, having a presentation. (Why exactly have I chosen to teach again??).
 And I thought about many things... I realized that I have an influence. It’s a different feeling.  It’s about responsibility. It’s necessary to be careful and to reflect my behaviour with these students. They are teenagers, taking many things personally, being vulnerable, and instable. I realized by standing in front of them that they accept me as someone that they need to obey (well, most of them), and they look upon me, just because I am a “teacher”. Influencing people was never something I was interested in. This feeling is different. It’s about thinking how I can handle this, about on what to focus, about how far I can go with this power, about  in what way am I able to so.
What kind of right do I have to give these poor pupils homework, when I didn’t like to have so much work to do when I came home? I hated being forced to learn things in that I’m not interested in, or practicing bulimia-learning (to slug down a big amount of information and to spit it out again after the exam). And sometimes I wanted the teachers to understand and to take the pressure from me. But I realized that it’s not easy for teachers. They are limited, having a certain teaching plan in a certain educational system. And I also asked myself: What kind of teacher do I want to be?

But I can calm you down, my case is not that dramatic, I just like to philosophize. Of course it’s not that much burden I need to carry. Teaching is very interesting, challenging and rewarding for me. I noticed that not just the students talk/slander about teachers, but it’s also the other way round. They are also not perfect, having their own problems. I understood that this is not an easy job, and that there’s no perfect way of teaching, because no matter how hard you try, how good you are, there are almost always some unsatisfied/unmotivated students. And it’s important that teachers accept their own limitations. That it’s not possible to have a personal relationship to all students and to help everybody. You are also not responsible for the feelings of others. In the end, everybody is responsible for his or her own feelings and thoughts. I realised that it’s important to be sometimes strict and set barriers and rules. Not just for yourself, but also for the pupils. And I really really respect my ex-teachers for this amazing achievement that I wasn’t able to see in my student age. Maybe I should write them an E-Mail, a postcard or a love-letter. Until then, it is now the perfect occasion to voice these words to my former teachers: Thank you so much.
This was a beautiful ending, wasn’t it? Though there are so so so many things to write about, I’m finished for now. Bye bye ;)