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Facing Bullying

A general analysis of the causes, solutions, theories and concrete examples of a complex phenomenon such as bullying

Bullying. According to the dictionary: 'behaviour of those who try to impose their personality in prevaricating or overpowering attitudes'.

So, in the first place, from the definition above, it's possible to interpret this behaviour as a way to face one's own limits and insecurities by pouring frustrations and disappointments on those individuals that do not meet certain "social standard" and from whom approval is not sought. The most primitive side of the human being leads to find in the power, and in the subjugation, the affirmation of one's own role and of one's own importance as an individual; it's something intrinsic in the mankind, verifiable from the early childhood. Growing up, developing reflective and introspective capacities, allows an adult individual to understand the detriment and the pointlessness of a hostile and non-collaborative behaviour. As well as the biology, the socio-cultural environment has an extremely important role; in fact, without a constant imposition of moral rules and duties from the time of kindergarten, it would be difficult that the empathic capacities and, in general, a balanced emotional development could take place.

From my personal experience, I could observe and study the behaviour of 120 children from 3 to 6 years old, being in fact my European Voluntary Service developed inside a kindergarten. So, I could see how the most of the children adopted an irrational and selfish behaviour in the several problematic situations that they had to face. Due to a toy, an idea, a desire or a help request, their own personality was the only one that had to prevail, showing in this way the purest and the most natural instincts of our species. It is precisely in this context that the role of the educators is essential, as they integrate or even give completely a first impression of morality and rational thought. If these values should not be correctly assimilated, over the course of time it could lead into having problematic, introverted generations, closed in virtual reality or, worse, alcohol and drugs.

As the child grows up, even insecurity plays a fundamental role about Bullying:  overpowering and diminishing the weakest allows the affirmation of oneself and the approval from the people within the social circle of reference. In my kindergarten I have several examples of children with relationship problems and everytime their story reveals complicated family situations which probably have an influence on the child's self-confidence: looking for affection, the child tries to draw attention by behaving nastily. The educators explained to me different approaches like explaining with a clear loud voice why it is wrong and what are the consequences of their gestures (for example not to play with particular toys, to threat to go in the group with younger children etc.); when this is not enough (luckily it almost never happens) the child is kept apart from the group and an interview with the parents is obviously necessary. 

It's possible to find practical examples of Bullying everywhere: from the school to the working place, till the simple going out with a group of friends; in my personal experience, even among the participants in the Erasmus+ project of the European Voluntary Service it was possible to observe psychologically stressful cases and social isolation, luckily never resulted in neither physical, nor verbal violence. When the different culture and the different interests do not create curiosity but detachment and mistrust, the first reaction could be, as it happened to one volunteer here in Leipzig, to close down and not to try to overcome the barriers. The solution consisted in finding other more similar people, participating to several events that the city offered. Sometimes the solution is also to blunt our character and be more flexible towards what is different, trying to arrive at a compromise about the activities and to accept different ways of thinking. When the volunteering community is not so large as it is in Leipzig, one way not to feel alone could be work on ourselves, understand what we like, what goals we do have and what we can do to achieve them; when this is not enough, always remember that it doesn't exist only the "volunteering community" while our experience, but lots of other people and associations that could perfectly suit us (about Leipzig the chess players community can be an example of the countless possibilities).

Besides factors that cause Bullying, likewise it's worthwhile to understand what can help to face behaviours of this type and what kind of self-defense mechanisms a victim may adopt. Certainly, to use violence against violence would only create a vicious circle from which it would not be possible to find a compromise and arrive to a balanced and peaceful situation.

Considering that the most of the time the oppressors themselves have been victims in the past, the best answer to a nasty behaviour can be summarised in four possibilities: indifference; listening; intelligence; condemnation. The latter refers above all cases of physical violence: society and civil order exist to enhance living conditions and not to live in constant stressful and fearful situations; hoping for the correct operation of the institutional authorities, it is needed to report and be united against any action that would harm our own person. Anyhow, depending on the seriousness of the circumstances, the indifference to a hostile attitude, the smart answer to an offense and the openness to listen can prove to be potential diversions to face these problematic situations.

In the world there will always be injustices and the strongest will always try to make the weakest succumb; when even the institutions don not solve the problem, the self-confidence and the ability to react to the events of life allow to overcome the difficulties and to continuously improve, always looking for happiness and wellness for one's own person.

Jasmin Avitabile

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