MY FIFTH RETROSPECTION

For me December was just like passing time. I felt unmotivated every single day and there was that void. A void I cannot explain, I just wanted to be alone most of the time or with my family. But life did not feel the same. I felt like my smile was fake and it did not reach my eyes and sometimes I felt like never being able to be happy again. Maybe you could call it a depression or maybe just a low.

Although most people might say, doing nothing, passing your days, being lazy is irrational, most of the times this has nothing to do with irrationality but rather that our body and mind is being plagued. In these moments we withdraw ourselves from society, we seek to be solely. And this is what I sought out. I know it was hard for others to see me like that. However, I am so grateful because you all accepted my way of handling this situation. But still I saw the worry in your faces when I looked at you or when I talked about my co-worker, I saw your fear of me being broken, you being scared that he took something from me.

Soon enough I realised though that whatever I experience no one can change who I am. We decide every day who we want to be and we decide how we want to look at things, the only things we can influence in life are our actions and thoughts and if you think about it: this is already pretty much and also all that matters.

Although my whole life I thought we can achieve anything as long as we try hard enough, this experience taught me otherwise. Some things just happen, and we cannot change them. People then call it coincidence or destiny or just life.

Still I know for sure we should never stop trying.

This positive thinking, I however missed in December, only now in January I found a spark of optimism again. That is also why I came back to writing this.

When I ever am in a low again, I want to tell myself:

Take your time, you need it. 

We all have sometimes periods where our glass of water is empty and we cannot help anyone in need, in these moments we shouldn´t judge one another and we should understand.

Although there might not be any light, when time passes light comes with it just as easily.

And then we start to live again.