Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Although my heart beat in double speed on the morning of the 3rd of March my eyelids where heavy as cannonballs. With closed eyes I daydreamed about the new adventure coming.
This short - period of time tells short - story about collapsing under solitude, stepping out and facing reality.
It officially started two month and twenty one days before now. But mentally it comprehends so much more.
On the 1st of January people habitually clink their glasses and wish merry New Year carrying hopes for new beginning but they rarely are expecting total upside down in their day – to – day life. Even though I knew that things are going to change it totally overlapped created vision of mine.
From time immemorial I was the happy kid, successful, determined, well arranged and structured. Just before graduating university I started to feel doing something unalike, taking another path.
European Volunteering Service was absolutely undiscovered field and good friend of mine told that it’s hard way how to truly reach the essence of life. At that time I laughed inside and took it as a challenge. The fact is that I didn’t take it as seriously as I should, playing games with my decisions I interplayed opportunities.
The day I notify my new idea becoming a volunteer to family they didn’t completely understand my motivation and looking back neither do I, but being strong-minded about getting in and not only doing some EVS but finding one which could work as an asset for future activities it didn’t take long for me to find extraordinary project in a cultural company which operates internationally. It was faultless, although deadline was over and the competition was huge – among 400 applicants I did get through and I did end up in Amsterdam after all.
Every world – view has weaknesses and sometimes we don’t pay enough attention to the real feeling of ours but being influenced by others and their expectations.
Although my journey started tough it put me through and leaded me to the wholesome revelations. I literally found peace and harmony in my life. My belief has been growing within sincere laugh, affectionate music and people who taught to hear mellifluous sounding of the sun and the smell of earth after rain.
With every issue I confronted - new openings bumped up, it’s easier than someone can imagine its 50/ 50 - take it or leave it. Either take a risk or share your bedroom with pride. I was scared to admit others that I am broke and I can’t go because I am not wealthy enough, I was scared to speak up when someone offered a hand, I was too proud to demonstrate love. I ended up sitting on the floor of my room during long nights and crying for home. No one could help me and as much as I wished I couldn’t get home at the current moment. Feeling of being useless killed me. I didn’t realize that it’s only up to me change things, because when our feelings hit the ground we face the dark side of it, sunshine can be seen if only head is lifted up.
Everything has a purpose and in my case it was revaluation of past - burying the burden of the pride and endless self-proofing. I am in the process of learning to see life as a place where people share fun and education, success is about common achievement to make this world a healthier place to breathe fresh wafts of happiness.
I learned to cry and be weak; I feel I have stepped in another world and in this one I don’t need to compete with others I just need to love myself as I am. There is no need to stop self - development but reaching stars within clear mind and pure soul, with honestly and gratefulness for every day.
How to handle dismal mood of loneliness when door to the city are closed and you’re face to face with yourself?
Firstly ‘n’ chiefly we are never alone, because once you make a room for love, there will be one fulfilling it. Physical distance between people are imaginary, sometimes we are closer even though there are thousand kilometres among us. I wasn’t the only one who opened a heart; my beloved family did it as well. Our life changed, I got a significant signal to appreciate relations.
There are loads of people in the world but luck of unclouded friendship. There are a lot of those who wants to love and be loved, but there are comparatively few relationships. And all these ships are going down each time when we put ourselves above others.
Eventually there comes time when you realize that your values have changed and one thing you would appreciate the most is your grandmothers’ casserole, mothers annoying advices, brothers’ sharp remarks and fathers’ strange jokes.
Do we listen to ourselves and how to properly go through, not being hurt by ruthless presence of daily breakdowns?
It’s up to us make alterations, but sensation shared by ambient melodic line can be enormous influence. I have been lost plenty times, inspiration vanishes. Over and over again the same - to put myself together. Laughs keep me alive and eager to move on. Late nights. Prayer for the warm sunrise.
I just wanted to say that smile is the most effective affection. Underestimated asset of human being just because it makes so many upturns.
Does EVS kill the time?
Every experience enriches your life vision, either bad or good it’s a part of you. And nothing but open heart can lead you through the most exciting adventures.
There is no one formula, and I believe it’s all about to master the best way of interlocking various themes in our lives, linking the dots and creating a whole picture for yourself. It’s not about what I could do better but what can I do to make it better.